Whale Tail - When a girl bends over and her thong is in view

I would like to start this post off by thanking my mom for lending me her computer without knowing it while she is off on a date with her fat, balding boyfriend. Also, thanks for leaving me the leftover meatloaf for dinner the day before it goes bad while your out face-fucking a delicious filet mignon, downing a bottle of wine, and trying to forget that in five years your boyfriend will only be fatter and balder and you'll likely only slip further into senility. 

So I write this post from the bathroom, where after I shit out my mother's chartwells-esque cooking, I'm tempted to wipe my ass with her keyboard.

What's that? I seem more negative than normal? Fuck you, Jimmy. 

I quit smoking pot. That's why. But what does that mean? Does it really matter that much to stop smoking pot? Am I going to write a best-selling novel or start my own royalT clothing company? Am I going to climb Mount Everest or teach english in Indonesia when i don't even know english myself? Maybe. 

But I'll tell you what I won't do.

1) I won't eat six bowls of cereal before I go to bed

2) I won't walk into a room and not know how I got there.

3) I likely won't have to ever hang out with Sean Goldfaden again.

4) I won't thoroughly enjoy watching paul rudd, leo dicaprio, claire danes, and black actors speak in shakespearean iambic pentameter while driving cars and holding guns in the 1996 version of Romeo and Juliet. 

5) I won't miss Harry. 

To all potheads in this world, get your lives together. You make me sick. That means you, guy who gives away pot for free to have friends. Or you, girl who pretends to be a hippie because the peace-sign, loose clothing style is hip these days but who couldn't name you three Grateful Dead songs. Or you, Art Garfunkel. Go make something of yourself you piece of shit. 

I close this post the same way I started it--by thanking my mother. Thanks mom, for being a pothead your entire life and for rolling this joint for me, because after I publish this, I'm going to smoke it and relax like no lazy piece of shit has relaxed before. To all of you that preach about something you've quit, you deserve the biggest fuck you. Go bother someone else with your hypocrisy you egocentric attention-whore. And to you, Sean Goldfaden, I'll see you in hell.

Disco never died, it's living comfortably in the itunes library of some kid from white plains

Since my favorite topic in the world is myself, I thought it fitting that my first post should be about ME. As some of our readers know, I am the only resident of the duplex that has had the pleasure of living on BOTH sides, thus making me the most important person in the house (it's ok, say it...you envy me).

What is interesting about this transition from one side to another, is just how very different the two sides are. I think the best way to explain things is to use metaphors, so here are a few to help our readers visualize the two atmospheres under one roof.

Moving from one side to the other is a lot like when Johnny Damon moved from the Red Sox to the Yankees.

I think an even better example would be this clipping from a brochure that came with these pills I bought at 7-11.

So from now on, you can think of me as a Patrick Swayze lookalike...or better yet, that assclown Ty Pennington from Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (airs Sundays on ABC at 7/6c).

Guess That Ass

Answers/Guesses will be taken in the Comments section below.

The Racial Draft - PART II

Hello all -

In light of Dave Chapelle's absence from, well, everything...I'm christening my first blog as the 2nd Racial Draft. The statistics and decisions have been based on an analytical approach from thorough research regarding the subjects' recent tendencies.

I'm just going to jump right into it with our First Round Draft Pick.

The Chinese people have selected Rob Murray! They have dubbed him with a new last name due to pronunciation difficulties....

(p.s. - click on the photos for a larger version)

He has been chosen due to:

-his hatred of Taiwan & Tibet

-pokes Mao on Facebook constantly

-his pronunciation of the letter "L" is slowly but surely forming into an "R"

-thoroughly enjoys censorship and repulsively greased-up Chinese food

________________________________________________________

Round 2: This draftee is famous for not being famous (anymore). She's vicariously famous due to the incessant female readers of People and US Wee-iiii don't give a fuck. Regardless, the only way she is relevant to the The Duplex is her recent choice of creed:

The self-titled "Chosen People," have drafted Britney Spears!

__________________________________________________________

Round 3, yo: This character is close to all our hearts, but he has been distancing himself this summer due to his counterproductive service to his community that is Long Beach, NY.

Our 3rd Draftee is part of The Crime Family (yes, this is for real). They have recorded multiple tracks in a "friend's" studio.

The Black Community selects...Jonah Corwin!

The chart-topping track that we (will) all know is called "Late Night Text".....check it out, and listen for Jonah spit hot fire with his suave New York accent halfway through the song:

[video has been taken down by request]

PEACE

Dear God,

Thank you for listening to my nightly bedside prayers even though they were in english and i know you only speak hebrew. Suck it Conor. For those of you who lurk outside of my bedroom window at night (Mosk), you'll know my prayers have been answered. On Friday afternoon, God posted a short, but sweet, naked video of sideline sports reporter Erin Andrews on the internet. 

For those of you who don't like sports, don't watch TV, or missed the superbowl, you are 0% of the 5 viewers of this post. But basically everyone knows who Erin Andrews is. She interviews the athletes during games, she's super hot, and she actually knows a lot about sports. She is every man's dream, and this Friday afternoon, our dream came true. 

Because I'm not a scumbag, and because I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression of this blog right off the bat, I'm not going to post the link to the video. 

Instead, I'm going to post the link to the website that shows you screen shots of the video to zoom in on, and then multiple links to to downloads for the video. Happy three minutes, Jonny Wax. 

http://www.gutteruncensored.com/2009/07/espns-erin-andrews-peephole-nude-video.html

For those of you who are offended by this post, don't worry, we play fair on Ohio Street and we should probably level the playing field. So here's a naked picture of male sideline reporter Tony "The Goose" Siragusa.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=33924506&id=10620523

I can't believe you fucking looked, rob. 

5 Catholics, 2 Jews and a Pizza Place

Welcome to the Ohio Street Duplex blog. As you can see, we aren't affected by the recession--four out of seven of us are seen here wearing collared shirts. That's more than half. 

The seven of us live in a duplex on Ohio Street in Coconut Grove. The house side with three is more clean and less interesting. If you don't recognize anyone in this picture, you're richer than us and go to South Beach a lot. If you do recognize anyone, even the kid on the left flexing with his drink arm, stick around. Bookmark us if you're a risk-taker.