Guess Who's Back? No, Not Patrick Swayze.

It's me. I am the one that is back. Both my parents were stabbed to death hours after my last post so I've had my mind on other things. No, not really, Jonah, you idiot. Those kind of jokes are appropriate and necessary in the tough economic times we live in. Laughter is the best medicine for the stock market, so Ari Nagar, keep the zingers coming. 

After a stern talking to from our very own Conor Garvin about my lack of motivation and my laziness, ending in a guilt trip that I believed only a Long Island Jewish mother could dish out, I've decided to keep this blog alive with posts that can only be described as obnoxious and offensive to the people with which I am closest. So mom, once again, your boyfriend is fat and bald, and while he was once probably athletic at a time before color television, we'd all prefer his sphere-like body and his creepy laugh out of the picture before he eats you and the rest of our family.

My mother and her boyfriend

So in recent news, Kanye West has managed to become even more unlikeable than he already was, picking on Taylor Swift at the VMA's after obnoxiously downing a bottle of cognac on the red carpet in front of Radio City Music Hall at an event with a target audience of 11-16 year olds. Well-played, Kanye. The sad part is, we're still going to buy his records because, well, nobody steals famous old songs and samples them quite like Kanye does, and while he's not the voice of a generation, he's the voice coming through my ipod speakers the one day a month I get sick of music that takes talent and instead feel like listening to black people talk over a beat. 

In an unrelated story, Harry Portnof was among the celebrities at the VMAs as well. Harry's red carpet pics. The "E" channel's Fashion Police had this to report:

"A fashion disaster. A definite mistake and an embarrassing result." - Joan Rivers

"Suitable for his body type." - Melissa Rivers

"Spank bank." - Ryan Seacrest

This is all for now. College is going great dad, keep sending checks. FYI, come to The Duplex on Saturday morning, where the buses will leave for Sammy Beach Day. Kegs and juice are provided, as well as entertainment consisting of:

- Volleyball

- Ryan having sex in the ocean in front of everyone

- Anna Feagan housing keg beer through a snorcle

- Danny Nicholson's hairy body and Josh Gardner's indian body

- Conor's gay pride bathing suit

- An entire bus going to Sir Pizza afterwards? Collier?

I leave you with this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86AJje3ElDc