If you enjoyed Avatar, does that make you a video-game playing sci-fi homo virgin? Yes, yes it does. And if you are a girl, you just saw it because you were told by Avatar's 942302 television commercials that James Cameron is an established director, and that when you were in 4th grade all you could talk about was Leo DiCaprio in Titanic sketching YOU naked, so really you are just a whore drone that lives your life the way People Magazine tells you to.
Enjoy watching James Cameron clean out the Oscars this year, and I think I speak for pretty much 0% of America when I say that I hope James Cameron prepares 12 award speeches as riveting as the 12 hours of his pretentious preachy Pocahantas remake. Fuck you, James Cameron.
"Oh wait, Josh, hasn't it been like six months since you've written on this blog you unmotivated fugly jew? Has you're laziness gone that far, that just sitting in front of your computer screen in your underwear has now entered your pathetically long list of actions that you feel require too much effort? Fuck your blog, and I hope your girlfriend cheats on you in Barcelona...With me." - Conor Garvin
Whoa Conor, you're kind of a dick.
Which brings me to the Hanukkah miracle that occurred over winter break. We prayed for this for months, Jonah begged for it for Festivus, Ryan traveled to every mall in the south of New Jersey to dry butt-fuck santa's lap pleading for this, and I jewish-mother guilted Yahweh in a private conversation-prayer by my bedside into making this so, and in a true Hanukkah miracle, better than the real one...
JIMMY AND CONOR MOVED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were hoping The Duplex's friends would be as excited as we were that those homos were not only leaving The Duplex, but the country. We were pleased with most of the responses.
"Conor's always been a complete tool, I hope he finds what he's looking for in Brussels. Which is other gay people to have sex with where nobody will find out back in the states. What a closet-case." - Matt Bernstein
"We always talk shit about Jimmy behind his back. It's not because we think he's a nerd or anything, we just know we're better than him." - Marc Leven and Adam Margolis
"Conor won't stop sexting me. I asked him to stop with the gross pictures because his naked body is actually pretty hairy and fat, but every time he's drunk he tries to secretly fuck me and I'm so turned off by him. I honestly hope he turns out gay." - Lonnie Nemiroff
"Jimmy is a racist. Also, one time I saw him punch a baby at the metro station. He was talking shit like 'come at me you fucking bitch', and then just punched the baby in the face. I think we are all better off now that he's gone." - Sam Warren
"Conor wore out his welcome. What is that guy, like 35?" - Wes Kean
"I've fucked six guys with bigger dicks since he left, and it's only been a week. Two of them were black guys." - Jenna Mizner
Thanks for your input, friends. And we can all collectively agree we hope Jimmy and Conor are raped and murdered in Europe.
That's it for my first post of the semester, more to follow....so PLEASE READ.
Love, Josh
No comments:
Post a Comment