Since my internship is now over, ending without a job offer and with a few oddly strong hugs after going out for drinks...I can safely say fuck the working world, I'm failing college this year and sticking it out in the grove for a while. I'm going to steal a bike and ride with the homeless up and down grand avenue. I'll mesh perfectly with their culture. it'll be like going abroad, without leaving the united states and without the jappy girls complaining about literally the greatest experience they'll ever have, for which they've done nothing in their entire pathetic lives to earn. Not you Drucker, you're cool. We know you're just pretending.
If there's one thing sitting in a cubicle all summer taught me, it's to cherish every second I have at college. College is amazing, it's a dream world that we will never again live in...it's jewish summer camp, only we are older... think about it:
Jewish Summer Camp vs. College
SIMILARITIES
- Only the rich are allowed
- Girls are still just as self-conscious, only there's drinking so its a whore-excuse.
- Much like camp, 49 out of every 50 jewish guys are fucking disgusting
- Just like weirdly old camp counselors (liv barker), there's weirdly old college graduates (grutman)
- Cabins/fraternities
- Whores giving blowjobs in the woods/sororities
- Get caught doing drugs, make a sizable donation or get kicked out
- Color wars were gay/greek week is fire island
DIFFERENCES
- Creepy russian dining hall servers are now obnoxious black dining hall servers
- Everyone is fatter (grutman again)
- You can't just get on a boat and waterski at your leisure in college (unless you are in sdt)
- Jewish girls have gotten better looking due to their sweet 16 nosejob gifts
- Hawaiian shirts are out
- Catholic kids are in
As you can see, there are more similarities than differences...college is just like summer camp. Nobody really wants to leave and enter the real world. Leave a comment if you think this is false and I'll counter it with a rant...im currently feeling argumentative and angry, a mood only Anthony Lombardi can truly perfect.
The most important similarity is that both summer camp and college are filled with rich dicks. So I leave you with something that campgoers and college students can all relate to.
Check the blog tomorrow to see what's expected for this upcoming year at the University of Miami...grow out your coke nails people, this year's coming whether you are ready or not.
Maybe insomnia has finally caused hallucinations, but that one kid looks more like James Barnett.
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