Who pissed in the pool?

Hey team,

I hope you are all enjoying Shark Week so far, I know I am. Hopefully we've all done a little of our part to demonstrate our appreciation for our favorite endangered species, the average shark. I, for one, have been feeding on human flesh down by the beach on the Long Island Sound, and I know Conor has been demonstrating some shark tendencies himself, preying on the life of this blog with what can only be described as the "non-jewish" post below me.

Yet since I play "work" at my piece of shit office internship that I swear to god/dad I'm grateful for receiving, I cannot venture to the beach at my leisure to synchronized swim with these beautiful marine creatures. Instead I endure the feeding frenzy that is New York City.

That's right, I only have 9 work days left to complain about my internship, so what better time than on a Tuesday while on the clock to post about why I would have rather taken the easy way out and worked at a Jewish sleepaway camp this summer (Liv Barker, Andi Wandt, SDT underclassmen).

For those of us that have good enough connections to get us internships, but probably not real jobs, can we just stop for a second and admire ourselves...we are worthless to our office, and we still put 100% into our jobs the first few weeks. That is, until we get lazy and find reasons for why we wouldn't want to work there anyway. At that point, we sporcle our way through the days that crawl by, hour by hour. Whoever is still relating to how specific this is getting, you probably take half hour shits just to get away from your desk and you've jerked off somewhere in the office before. That's gotta be where I lose everyone but Schatz.

Internship word of advice: go in for the hug with your women supervisors on the last day. It might weird you out, but trust me, it's not harrassment if you are good-looking. So Mayer, fix those eyebrows or settle for the handshake.

For everyone that doesn't have connections enough to earn you an internship, I sound like a spoiled piece of shit, but guess what, you probably made a ton more money than I did this summer at your restaurant job and you likely have a scholarship, so shut up and pay for my ticket to Ultra.

And for those of you that didn't have a job at all this summer...try finding what little motivation you have in life and use it to kill yourself, BUT...you are actually less of a piece of shit than everyone involved in this video

Except c-garv...nailed the role